Hey all, I wanted to direct you to my new blog...it's a little fresher looking and more fun for me to play with, so I will be using that for now on.  I just started it so don't expect much.  Love to all of you in Christ.

www.flowersongraves.blogspot.com

 Man reading my last entry was like stepping into a timewarp.  I suppose a lot of things have happened in three months.  I haven't written a xanga entry since I've been a married man.  That's cool!

Anyway...i don't have anything great to say other than hey.  Today was rainy and windy and scary out there and I stood behind a sheet of glass taking people's deposits and cashing checks.  What more can you say about that?

However I did have my good friend Zach over and he, Lizzie and I had a good time talking about God, music, ethics, work, and the church (in that order).  And we actually finished off with a little Edgar Allen Poe reading.  So all in all, it was a full night! 

Weekend forecast: 

Friday: Meeting with Pastor Mike, work, and friday night stuff
Saturday: Apartment cleaning and benefit concert at Mudd Puddle (3-10...everybody come!)
Sunday:  Either Faith Reformed or Mt. Airy Prez and some clothes washing

So now you know my whole weekend and I did a whole xanga entry without any profound Aaronisms...have fun ya'll. 

You know...I don't mean to be so pessimistic or sound cynical, but i just have to get things off my chest sometimes. 

I feel that the Christian life is so much like a hobby for most people.  I really do.  Or at least, that's what it looks like.  I've been struggling so much in my faith but I do still have great faith in Christ, I know I do.  Guilt oftentimes makes me think that I'm not qualified to have real theological and meaningful criticisms of the Church.  But I do believe that I am a Son of God and a co-heir with Christ, so I'll continue. 

I just wish things weren't so compartmentalized in the Christian life and the way it's taught to be.  My reformed friends may disagree, but I don't think things need to be so systematic in the Church.  When I read the Bible and look at the fellowship of believers, I'm not convinced that there's an algorithm or a 5-step plan for every aspect of a Christians life.  And yet I see the Church inundated with programs, and meetings, and counsels, and 3, 4, 20 step plans...etc. etc.  (By the way, inundated is a really good word to use here because it literally means "rendered powerless by an excessive amount of something").  But I feel alive when I see things working under the Spirit and Truth of God...something fluid and organic.  Maybe I'm obsessed with the idea of something grassroots rather than corporate.  When I look at Christ I see grassroots...when I look at the disciples, i see grassroots.  When I see the early Church, I see grassroots.  And I don't mean that it shouldn't grow into something great....probably some church administrator would read this and say, "Oh, you sound like someone that should be in the church-planting department of our church".  I'm talking about a change in lifestyle, not a ministry.  The older I get the more I realize how boxed in I feel and I gotta get out. 

And I gotta go...but maybe more on this later.  Sorry I didn't mean to ruin anyone's day or discourage ya'll

I can't overemphasize the difference between knowing something and doing something in this world.  For some reason I've lived with the lie that if I knew something and even took it seriously, that meant that doing it or not doing it would stem out of that knowledge.  I know that Christ changes men's hearts, but I still beg Him to give me one more chance to repent and change my behavior.  Please Lord, I know I can do it this time 

DO NOT BELIEVE THESE LIES...

I've spent many hours discussing the idea of community with people, excited about the revolution that Christ started...a rich, open life of confession, forgiveness, and communication amongst the chaos and confusion of our Western World.  But here's the truth....no matter how much i loved the idea of it and worked towards it and wanted others to grab ahold of it, when things got tough, I ran and hid.  Worse yet, I was convinced that that was the best solution.  The truth is that living with people is hard.  It's probably easy for some...but for me it's really tough.  If people knew some of the things I've done and said, they wouldn't love me.  At least that's what I tell myself.  If I'm really that honest with people, would they understand?   

Anyway, I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm having a really hard time but it's so much harder with the distance I've put between myself and so many others.  Please forgive me for thinking that that was the best choice.  I've been really selfish. 

Currently Listening The Best of Simon & Garfunkel By Simon & Garfunkel see related

Sovereign grace o'er sin abounding
Ransomed souls, the tidings swell
'Tis a deep that knows no sounding
Who its breadth or length can tell?
On his glories may my soul forever dwell...

What from Christ that soul can sever
Bound by everlasting bands
Once in Him, in Him forever
Thus the eternal covenant stands
None shall take thee from the strength of Israel's hands...

Heirs of God, joint heirs with Jesus
Long ere time its race begun
To His name eternal praises
O what wonders love has done
One with Jesus, by eternal union one...

On such love, my soul still ponders
Love so great, so rich, so free
Say while lost in holy wonder
Why, O Lord, such love to me?
Halleluyah, grace shall reign
Halleluyah, grace shall reign
Halleluyah, grace shall reign eternally.

No matter what, we are still a people in desperate need of God's abundant grace.  As each day goes by, I see how immeasurable His grace is and how it spreads out over me, pouring through all the cracks and crevices of my broken life, miraculously holding it all together. 

How do I see God's grace?  By examining how sinful I really am, and then by looking at the cross--a picture of mercy and grace unparalleled.  Mercy by sacrifice and atonement, taking on my sins and granting me full pardon.  Grace by giving me a new life and covenant, now a co-heir with Christ in His Kingdom. 

So now I sit and ponder one phrase...God's grace in boundless stores...